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You have written something you think is good, or at least not terrible. You hand it in to your boss and days later it comes back, all marked up with lengthy comments or re-written using words that aren’t your own. You hardly recognize what you’ve written. You wonder why you went through arduous work of writing in the first place just to have it torn up. It’s pretty demoralizing.

For many of my writing coach clients, this is a common experience. They are given the task of writing a blog, a memo, a report. But when they turn it in for feedback, they get back a piece they don’t recognize. In their edits, their boss or a colleague may have changed their meaning or introduced errors. And the worst part is, this kind of feedback, even with the best of intentions, does damage.

Writing is a tender, vulnerable act—no matter what form it comes in. When people who are entrusted with your words don’t take care with them, it can make you fearful when you write again. Fear is not a good place to write from. It will stymie your writing and choke your voice.

But tackling difficult feedback is another way to make your voice heard and gain confidence in your writing.

I want to give you some tough and tender love when it comes to dealing with feedback that you find disheartening. The tough part: it’s going to require you to do some things that are uncomfortable. The tender part: I get that it won’t be easy, particularly in the power dynamic with someone who is your boss or even a colleague. I am right with you, cheering you on.

Here are three ideas. The first one is what to do after you get the edits. The second two are how to set yourself up for success before you send in a piece.

After You Get Edits

When you see your writing awash in edits and comments the first thing to know is that you don’t have to take them literally. It can be tempting to just accept track changes, substitute your boss or colleague’s words for yours, and be done. But this is not a solution. It just kicks the can down the road. You’ll be dealing with the same frustration the next time you write something. Actually, it will be worse because now you’re feeling even more anxious about the feedback you’ll get.

First, try and take a step back and think of the edits as data. The goal of writing is not to write for yourself but for someone else to understand. If your boss has extensively marked up your piece then you haven’t yet reached your goal as a writer. That is important data. But that does not mean you need to accept the edits as written.

Instead you will look for the ideas that are underneath the edits.

Few people are good editors. Consider that your boss may be trying their best, is under their own pressures, and may feel like it’s just easier to make changes themselves including re-writing parts of your piece. I’ve had several bosses tell me they do just that.

Instead of simply accepting changes that don’t sit right, ask your boss if you can schedule a few minutes to go over their edits. You can say something like “thank you for taking the time to review my piece. I want to make sure that I clarify some things so I can get back to you something that is ready to go. Can you tell me more about what you mean by this edit?”

You want to find out the big picture. You want to figure out what was missing or unclear to your boss and how to incorporate that idea rather than just substituting their words for yours. What is the essence that they are trying to get at with their edits?

Maybe your boss or colleague wants more context. But they have added six sentences when one will do. Perhaps you used a passive voice that is masking unclear thinking that needs to be fleshed out. If your bosses’ edits have introduced errors or extraneous material, tell them. You may be more steeped in the subject matter than your supervisor.

Politics and just human nature can also be at play here. Your boss also wants their voice heard and acknowledged. It’s important to understand that reality. You can repeat back to them what they said. It shows you are taking note and making sure you’re getting it right. Then say you’d like to incorporate their feedback into the revision in a way that keeps a consistent voice in the piece.

When you make it clear you are committed to incorporating the ideas behind your boss’s edits, you can bring those ideas on board in your own writing and voice. By doing so, you retain the feeling of ownership of your piece.

Before You Get Edits

For your next writing project, think about bringing along your boss as your collaborator and cheerleader from the start.

Tell your boss that as part of your professional development, you want to use this writing project to further develop your voice and your thinking. It is a way for you to take leadership in your writing right away. Share your goals with your boss. Tell them how this project is an opportunity to gain experience and contribute to your organization. The clearer you are with your goals, the more likely your boss will be invested in your next writing project. You can also enlist your boss by asking them for any big picture suggestions they have for your writing or the topic.

When you are ready to submit your piece for review, you can teach your boss or colleague how to give you helpful edits. If you have been sending in your writing just saying “for your review” that might not be enough guidance. You can end up with some random, free-floating comments that are difficult to make sense of. Instead, if your boss or colleague is not a professional editor, spell out how they can help you.

One of my writing coaching clients said, “part of using my voice is being really clear about what I’m asking from people [in reviewing my writing].” She tells them specifically how they can be most helpful in their editing. This client might need help cutting content or finishing the ending, which might not feel complete. She thinks about the strengths of the person who will be doing the editing when making her requests. Are they good at line editing? Or are they better at seeing missing pieces?

If you have a boss who tends to take a heavy hand in editing, you can try and set some parameters. You can say something like this: “I am sending along my piece for your review and signoff. If there is anything inaccurate or missing please let me know.” You are limiting the kinds of edits you expect.

The biggest takeaway I hope you will get is to keep the feeling of ownership and pride in your writing throughout the process. It doesn’t end when you send it in for review. The review part can not only strengthen your writing; ideally, it can strengthen how you see yourself as a writer.

Try these ideas and please let me know how they go.

Many thanks to Pam Nippolt at the Margaret A. Cargill Philanthropies for her insights, which shaped this article.

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If you’re looking for more writing tips, check out my blog.
Looking for help with your writing? Please get in touch with me at [email protected]